Our universe

Our universe is profoundly large.

I mean, seriously.  Think of everything in it.  Trillions and trillions of particles and atoms, so much we can’t even begin to discover the amazing depth and number.

And all we hang by are some measly laws of physics.

Just imagine — losing a penny in the immense reaches of space.  You would have no hope of ever finding it again.  Everything in the world is made up of little tiny pieces, little tiny lifeforms made up of smaller and smaller lifeforms.

What holds it all together?

What if one day it all broke apart?  Became chaos, swirling nothingness.  What if gravity failed us?  We’d go flying into the outer reaches of space, lost forever, alone forever.

How do you know that won’t happen?

Atheism has no explanation for many, many things.  How do atheists know the world won’t end all of the sudden?

What is up?  What is down?  How did it start?  When did it start?  Why did it start?  Where did it start?

Is there no logic in our world, apart from chance?  Is chance hopeful?  Where does hope come from?  From where and what roots our imagination?  Our passion?  Are they merely chemical?

Is the physical all that exists?  Surely it isn’t.  I don’t dare to rely on what I see and feel alone.  There is a great, great emptiness in the bare physical universe.

In the physical world, there is nothing to fill the longing in our hearts.

Take a moment to soak it in.  A lonely world, a lonely universe, perhaps just one among millions of others.  Innumerable expanses, miles upon miles, thousands of billions of light years.  Empty space.  Held together by things we cannot explain, and therefore cannot trust.  Things we do not understand, and have no hope that we ever will.  No hope.  All life will end, and therefore all life is meaningless.  An unknown beginning.  An unknown end.  Every man for himself.  No God.  No spiritual existence.  This is it.  This is all we have.  And if, in fact, this is all we have, we really have nothing at all.  Nothing that will last.  One day, we will lie down and never rise again.  So what’s the point?

To where will you turn if all things end to hopeless catastrophe, you lonely life among many?

 

~Emilino

Nightmare

Last night I dreamed that I was in English class, and my friend and I were having a discussion about Christianity, and no one was taking us seriously.  Then, at break, my History teacher started dancing and singing Friday, before returning to his classroom.

Later, I met two of my friends and we were hanging out in the bathroom, when something happened.  I’m not sure; either they went silent or they left, and I got this odd, sickening feeling that something was horribly wrong.

So, I went back to my English class, and everyone was dead. All around me.  And I had no idea why.

Then my mom came and told me all the computers in the school had crashed and exploded, and fallen on everyone and killed them.  And I was the only one conscious, if not alive, left.

I’ll never forget that feeling, even if it was only a nightmare.  It was the feeling, deep inside me, of complete and utter aloneness.

Mom and I went home, and she kept breaking down crying, and I was just trying to make sense of it all.  I prayed, “God, I pray for strength, I pray for endurance…” the rest of the prayer escapes my memory.

I went outside, and for some reason, my best friend’s mom was in her van, just driving away from our house.  I reached out my hand, so she would stop.  She saw me, but didn’t stop, just kept going, leaving me behind, while I kept thinking how lucky everyone at my old homeschool co-op was, that nothing like this had happened at their school.

Then I woke up, gasping.

I still remember it too clearly.  That was the worst, worst, worst nightmare I have ever had.  It felt demonic.  While I dreamt, I kept telling myself that it wasn’t a dream, that it was real, real, real, and there was no escaping.  When I woke up, I was literally surprised that I had been sleeping.  It was a realistic dream; and I’ve had plenty of those, mainly nightmares — but this one was particularly disturbing.

I’m going back to school tomorrow, and I am scared to death just because of that nightmare.  The creepiest part of it, perhaps, was the fact that the beginning of the dream was a relatively normal, perhaps more enjoyable than usual, day of school.  And when I least expected it, everything went wrong.  Everyone died.  And only I was left.  And that feeling I had, standing in the ladies’ room, knowing, even then, that I was alone.

It’s strange, the things that come of our thoughts.  I don’t know where that nightmare came from.

I don’t know if that dream had a purpose. A metaphor, perhaps, for real life. I’ll probably be paranoid for the rest of the year. Was God trying to talk to me? Was that Satan, who created the nightmare, to scare me?

Remembering it shakes me to the core. The only way I can be comforted in the memory of that dream (and I am completely, completely serious right now) is by remembering the gracious, loving arms of God. In a way, such an overwhelmingly horrible vision brings me right to God’s side, because He’s the only thing I can think of to run to. He’ll take me in his big loving arms and He’ll never let me go, and He’ll tell me it’s gonna be OK; He’s got me.

He’s so beautiful.

Of course darkness flees at the sound of His name.

He is my Savior.

I’ll run into His arms.

You are good, You are good

When there’s nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You’re the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I’m made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I’m letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

~Hillsong

 

Emilino

Pictures courtesy laperm.wordpress.com and aliveinthefire.blogspot.com

Song: Forever Reign by Hillsong