Welcome

Welcome back

Isn’t it good to be awake

After so long in the dark

 

Now you can speak

Now you can hear

Now you can see

 

You’re alive now

 

Now there is color

Now there is light

Now you’re okay

 

Good thing

You didn’t give up

 

I know

You hated your life

I know

You wanted an end

But I told you

Hold on

Take my hand

Life is better

When you’re here with Me

 

Welcome

to

life

 

Welcome

to my love

I love you

 

Now you can feel it

My love in your breath

My love on your skin

My love in your veins

My love is

holding you together

 

Life is worth it

Life is worth it

Life is worth Me

I gave you life

I wouldn’t

give you life

that wasn’t worth

the hardships

 

I love you

I love you

Welcome to life

Welcome to love

I love you

Welcome to Me

Welcome

home.

 

~Emilino

Our universe

Our universe is profoundly large.

I mean, seriously.  Think of everything in it.  Trillions and trillions of particles and atoms, so much we can’t even begin to discover the amazing depth and number.

And all we hang by are some measly laws of physics.

Just imagine — losing a penny in the immense reaches of space.  You would have no hope of ever finding it again.  Everything in the world is made up of little tiny pieces, little tiny lifeforms made up of smaller and smaller lifeforms.

What holds it all together?

What if one day it all broke apart?  Became chaos, swirling nothingness.  What if gravity failed us?  We’d go flying into the outer reaches of space, lost forever, alone forever.

How do you know that won’t happen?

Atheism has no explanation for many, many things.  How do atheists know the world won’t end all of the sudden?

What is up?  What is down?  How did it start?  When did it start?  Why did it start?  Where did it start?

Is there no logic in our world, apart from chance?  Is chance hopeful?  Where does hope come from?  From where and what roots our imagination?  Our passion?  Are they merely chemical?

Is the physical all that exists?  Surely it isn’t.  I don’t dare to rely on what I see and feel alone.  There is a great, great emptiness in the bare physical universe.

In the physical world, there is nothing to fill the longing in our hearts.

Take a moment to soak it in.  A lonely world, a lonely universe, perhaps just one among millions of others.  Innumerable expanses, miles upon miles, thousands of billions of light years.  Empty space.  Held together by things we cannot explain, and therefore cannot trust.  Things we do not understand, and have no hope that we ever will.  No hope.  All life will end, and therefore all life is meaningless.  An unknown beginning.  An unknown end.  Every man for himself.  No God.  No spiritual existence.  This is it.  This is all we have.  And if, in fact, this is all we have, we really have nothing at all.  Nothing that will last.  One day, we will lie down and never rise again.  So what’s the point?

To where will you turn if all things end to hopeless catastrophe, you lonely life among many?

 

~Emilino

Narrow Road

To turn to my own

Trapped within my mind

The beauty I’d find

To die alone

 

And try to fly

Into the wind

The wind will fail

My feathers fall

 

I have to tell

Can’t turn to myself

I must know Love

Lest I die alone

 

A curvy road

Can’t see what comes

Won’t walk it alone

Will make it home

 

I thirst for love

My thirst is quenched

Seek rain from above

Won’t accept salt instead

 

I spread my wings

And try to fly

His wind is strong

He catches my feathers

 

His road is narrow

Yet the other is bland

With never a hand

Sucks from my bones their marrow

 

His road is curvy

But He can see

I am not alone

He reaches down and takes my hand

 

I give Him my own

He frees my mind

And beauty I find

I won’t die alone.

 

~Emilino

At the sight

(My, my, this one is long. Please do your best to stay with me.)

 

When I was a little girl

I saw monsters

Jeering at me at night

In the darkness of my room

When my door came unhinged

And lunged at me

And snow fell from the ceiling

And wolves growled beside my bed

And demons danced around me

 

Maybe they were demons

Maybe I hallucinated

My mom came in one night

When I was crying

Don’t fall in”

I told her

Don’t fall into the crack

In the floor”

 

As I got a bit older

The hallucinations stopped

And were replaced by nightmares

Every night

Like any other little kid

As I started to understand the world

Just a bit more

As I grew up

 

I remember the nightmares

A scorpion the size of a dinner plate

With the face of a woman

I remember

A cobra

Waiting to bite me

As I fell from my top bunk

I remember

Coming home

And the gored body parts

Of my pet hamster

Lying around my house

 

I grew yet older

I remember my best friend

Who turned on me

Because she needed me to stay

And I misunderstood

What she needed

I remember

A head injury at her house

That haunted me

For a reason I still don’t know

And yet it still haunts me

 

I remember

Crying on my bed in the dark

Depressed, hopeless, selfish

Depressed for years

Unending

I don’t remember

The years before

I don’t remember

What it was like

To be young and innocent

And not struggle with depression

 

I remember

Finding God

In that darkness

Hand outstretched

Compassion pouring

From His gaze

And those holy fingers

Opened my eyes

And the nightmares

Had been demons

And the hallucinations

Had been demons

And they fled

When my Lord took hold

Of my heart

 

And I cried

And I cried

And Jesus lifted me from

The darkness of my childhood

Lifted me from

The trauma

Of my head injury

And He’s beautiful

So beautiful

So beautiful

 

His touch

The sweetest

Anywhere

Indescribable

That took my burden

That sat me in His lap

And showed me the beautiful things

In this dark, dark world

 

I grew up

And I changed

And the world changed

And everything changed

And times came

And times went

But God stayed

God stayed

And His love

Sheds light

On darkness

 

And the darkness flees

And the demons run

And Satan pales

And Hell scabs over

 

At the sight

At the sound

At the mention

Of the Lord’s

Beautiful

Love.

 

Emilino

Picture courtesy sciencelearn.org.nz

Song by Phil Wickham courtesy on Youtube.com

It’s about time

I seem to be finding myself drifting lately. I’m not entirely sure why. I get caught up in other things, and I forget God. And I hate it.

Life without Him is empty, and dead. And sometimes it seems like other things can fill up His place, but they can’t. They truly cannot. Nothing can. Nothing but God can fill God’s place. And absolutely nothing can compare to His amazing love. Oh, His amazing love, that we can run into His open arms, what a relief, what a relief! That He will accept our burdens onto His own shoulders, the God of all creation, the One who deserves everything good. How is this, that He would relieve me of my own pain, caused by my own sin?

It’s not something that should be taken lightly, what I’ve been doing. I just pick the right time and place to pay any attention to God. And then, wow, who knew, it doesn’t really feel real when I finally look at Him, after so long apart, simply because it’s my duty. Simply because I don’t want to go to hell when I die.

When I spend less time with God, it seems like that empty time becomes filled with loneliness, with sadness, with yearning and longing. What a fool I am, that I haven’t even learned from my own mistakes. Even knowing everything apart from God is ugly and empty, I still accept worldliness before God.

Why skimp myself of God’s true love? Why run from God’s beautiful eyes, His beautiful arms, His beautiful hands, His beautiful face, His beautiful love? There’s no point. It doesn’t make sense.

I say I love God. Do I really? Do I love God like I claim to?

Sometimes I’m not sure.

And do you know what?

I am sick and tired of not being sure.

It’s time to be sure. It’s time to face God, to love Him, to replace worldly emptiness with Godly fullness. It’s time to turn from terror and let Love wrap His arms around me, and protect me for all eternity. It’s time to quite wanting earthly things and just want God. It’s time to stop filling my head with lies and learn more of the truth. The unshakable, undeniable, infallible Truth of God.

Jesus.

Jesus.

Jesus.

My Lord.

God, dear God, dear Jesus, dear God, beloved God–

I love You.

 

“His face is more handsome than any other. His eyes are filled with beauty. When He is angry, His eyes burn with nothing but love.

He is strongest. His touch is gentlest. He carries me, He wraps me in His arms and He sings me to sleep. His lullaby is more comforting than any other.

He is perfect. When I call, He runs to my side. He holds my hand, and when my enemies say they hate me, He whispers that He loves me. I love Him. He speaks endless words of comfort. He breathes into me and I want my heart to beat with His.

He is perfect. He is beautiful. I am in love with Him. I am His. He is everything. He is breathtaking. He is awesome. He brings light with every step. He is the peace in all our nightmares. He is the One who loves me. He is my Father.

He is my God.”

~September 17, 2011

 

His voice

That sings me to sleep

His hands

That take in them mine

His arms

That carry me

His shoulder

Rest for my heavy head

His wrists

Pierced because of His love

His brow

Sweat with blood for me

His lips

Breathed life into me

Kiss my sin-pocked face

His spirit

Perfect, deserving of

Much greater than me

His love

Surrounds me, brings me peace

Unfailing, never-ending

I do not deserve it

It is mine.

~September 25, 2011

I feel like although God isn’t taking all the pain away, He is sharing the burden, and He is just pouring these immense feelings of love onto me. This love, this love of God, that just makes me want to fall on my face and sob. He loves me so much. He loves me so much. And I do that. I bow my head to the floor and I cry. I cry because oh, oh, this love, this holy love, this powerful love, this love that fills my senses and I cannot yet begin to fathom His awesome love.

God. God. Father. Lord. His is a name filled with power, filled with wonder. Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty. Who was. Who is. Who is to come.”

~September 27, 2011

 

Emilino

 

Pictures courtesy:

cosmosmagazine.com

theemptiness.info

fiery-eyes.tumblr.com

Song and video by Leeland courtesy Youtube.com

Hope

I saw a guy singing on the sidewalk
Strumming his guitar on the streets of San Francisco
I liked him and he seemed sweet, so I gave him a quarter
And then he winked at me

I saw a girl sitting on a fencepost
Staring at the sky in the early morning
I don’t have a clue what she goes through
But my heart went out to her

I saw a fish die at the pet store
Racking his body with each gasp for breath
I wished I could save him, but I couldn’t have come in time
Just a fish, but it was a life

Sometimes I want to save every life I see
Don’t know what stops me, maybe I’m self-conscious
Give a sandwich to every homeless man
But I can’t, not really

There’s hope fluttering in the air, can’t you see it
Don’t know how anyone can’t
I want to save every singer on the sidewalk
I want to save every dying fish

Wonder what would happen if we all trusted that Jesus would
Would He save every dying fish
Would He save the man who winked at me

Jesus, can you make them see
Jesus, can you heal disease
Jesus, can you open their eyes
Jesus, just today, don’t let anyone die

I know it’s impossible for me to do this
I don’t know what to do with this compassion
For the sake of the man on the sidewalk
Believe, please believe, if just this once!

 

Emilino

Sidewalk photo courtesy http://www.ci.highland.il.u

Beauty

In my darkness, I saw You. Standing right before me, exposed in almost too much glory for me to handle. Hanging on that cross. How does that even make sense? To me, it doesn’t. I’m not even capable of that much love. And when I saw that, knew who You were, what You’d done, how much You love my crappy human soul, I could hardly bear it. I cried and cried and cried, because You were so beautiful and I wasn’t and I’d never even had a clue until then. I’d wasted all these years.

And that vision of You on that ugly, dirty cross was so very forcefully, savagely, unnervingly beautiful that I felt like my entire soul was just melting before You. Your love, Your love, Your love, Your divine love that asked for my heart and wanted to swallow me whole, so beautiful, beautiful, beautiful – there aren’t any words to fit it in. I keep searching through my mind, trying to come up with some word that can even begin to describe the depth of Your beauty, but I can’t find any. All those sunrises, human romance, music I thought were so beautiful – they’re like corpses in comparison to You.

And I want to just throw myself into You, throw myself on the ground before You, oh Jesus, Jesus, anything, anything; I could DIE before You and be happy. It’s all I ever want to do, just see more and more and more of You, and You never get old, You’re so amazing, so breathtaking, so beautiful, and my heart flutters like a butterfly every time I think of You. I could say it’s like a romance, but that doesn’t do it justice. Every romance has its drawbacks. But Yours? Your romance has none. Your romance is nothing but good.

I don’t see how anyone lives without You. I did, for a while, but I wasn’t really living. I was just surviving. I had no joy, no love. I was dead, gone, exhausted, afflicted, destitute, despairing, and I had no hope. Because You’re hope, I realize that now. You’re hope. You’re love. You’re mercy. You’re good. You’re everything that’s ever been good.

So to the world, what can I say?

You guys are living in destruction.

Beauty is just waiting for you with open arms, to take you in and hold you tight and never let you go.

His name is Jesus, God, Lord, Yahweh, Messiah, Father, Dad, Daddy —

Love.

 

Emilino

Pictures courtesy firstcovers.com and lighterblonde.deviantart.com.