Sometimes I wonder…

So, WARNING: the following post is a little sharp. A lot sharp. Maybe slightly shocking, to some. If you don’t like harsh language, don’t read it.

But I feel really strong emotion on this topic, and I hope someone reads it.

Sometimes I wonder how anybody can live without God. Have you ever wondered that?

Life is so depressing sometimes. Without God, I’d seriously be dead. I mean, what would be the point in living? Without God, there isn’t really a purpose in life. I can’t imagine thinking I was just sort of suspended here in the middle of the universe with nothing here to hold me but unexplained gravity. I mean, what if gravity just ended one day? Nobody even knows what the heck gravity is.

I can’t imagine thinking I was an accident, just some random living organism among millions and millions of others. Nothing crazy or awesome or even important. In fact, the world tells us over and over and over again that we’re the opposite of important. All we humans do is pollute the earth – in other words, we just hinder the more important things. We destroy and get in the way of the things that really matter.

How could I live like that?

How does anyone live like that?

You might say, “How would YOU know? You’ve been a Christian your whole life.”

Okay, yeah, I get that. I have been a Christian the majority of my life – raised to be a Christian my whole life. My mom gave birth to me praying I would grow up to be a Christian.

That doesn’t mean I’ve lived like a Christian my whole life.

I’ve only been around for thirteen-and-two-thirds years, but I’ve seen things, experienced things, thought things. I’m not just brainwashed or something. I can think by myself, make conclusions on my own. Trust me, if I hadn’t experienced for myself MAJOR life-changing events and periods in my life, I would not be a true Christian. I would not have given my heart to Jesus. I would not be a very nice person to be around. Like, at all. I would probably be sitting in a corner all alone, crying, spiritually dead if not physically dead.

During times of depression, I’ve believed what the world has told me, and what Satan has whispered, so tauntingly, in my ear. I believed I was nothing. I believed I was little, tiny, a mere speck in the humongous expanse of the universe – unimportant, undeserving, merely a thing that got in the way of bigger things – of actual people. I thought I was a lowlife.

Maybe it’s just me, with my common tilt toward depression. Maybe it’s just me, because I am easily downtrodden, easily sad. I can easily feel like a speck of dirt among gold. If somebody tells me I’m a downer, it doesn’t take much for me to believe them.

So, is it just me? Do I just have some strange mental disorder?

And yet, I still wonder how on earth anybody manages to literally stay alive without God to back them up. Without God, where’s hope? Without Christ, where’s salvation?

I mean, without the Holy Spirit, where’s peace?

Seriously – is there just none? No hope, no salvation, no peace?

I often hear people say stuff like, “This life is all you got, so make the most out of it” or “Life is hard, just deal with it” and crap like that.

Like, what? Why would you SAY things like that? It’s not like that’s comforting, not in the least. If anything, sayings like that make me want to DIE.


Sorry if this post is a little harsh. I just get so confused, so helpless, sometimes, about this topic. When people say stuff like the above, I hardly know what to say. I can just hear the desperation in their voices, see the yearning in their eyes. I talk to non-Christians and literally see their want, their need for hope, their struggle, the flame within them that strives to stay alive.

What am I supposed to DO?

And so, I’ll try to reach them. I’ll try.

I guess that’s what I’m trying to do with Worthwhile Treasure.

Someday, I hope I change someone’s life.

I don’t want ANYBODY to believe this intoxicatingly nightmarish world’s lie.



Picture courtesy


3 responses to “Sometimes I wonder…

  1. People who say that this life is all you have don’t even undrstand what life is. Tome life is God giving us a chance to add to his glory, to them life is just… What turned up. It is so easy to believe that the people who believe that lie have authority over us, but what they say discredits them and they have nothing over Those who know the truth. The only real way to share the Truth with them is by showing them it’s validity through your life. Give everything to Jesus, Em, and you lift them out of that ditch by God’s amazing grace and power.

  2. Emily! This is Olivia! You are an amazing writer! You have changed a lot of my feelings about how I should approach life, and how it doesn’t end here. You have an amazing talent for writing your emotions down so descriptively, and guess what? We all feel the same things! Your just the only one confident enough to reveal your emotions and perceptions on life 🙂 I’m very proud of you 🙂 You have a gift!

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